Hey, it's Denise here with a super exciting announcement for listeners who are in the UK or in nearby Europe. I am coming to London to headline the next Expert Empire's event, and it's Thursday the 23rd, and Friday the 24th of March in 2023. Oh my God, I am so excited. I can't wait to come back to the UK Connect with all of our beautiful community there. And I would love to see you if you are nearby. And Expert Empires is such an incredible event. A lot of my friends have spoken there, and it is an incredible business training and networking event for entrepreneurs like us with expert businesses, and I will be so excited to be headlining there. So, uh, the founder and creator of the Empire Group is, uh, Nick James, and one of my other co speakers there is Joe Wicks, who is the body coach, bestselling author and TV presenter too, and lots of other amazing guests. So you can come and join us. Spend two days working on your business, discovering how to grow and engage your audience and boost your cash flow. Now, if you want to get tickets to come and see me in London and it'll be in Wembly, oh my God, Wembly, head to expert empires.com/ddt as Denise Thomas expert empires.com/ddt for more info and to grab your tickets now. Thanks for listening. Let's dive into today's episode of Chill and Prosper.

Speaker 2 (01:31):

Start your business for the freedom of time. Now you're tired of the hustle and grind. There's gotta be a bed. It's time to listen to chill and prosper. Welcome to Chill and Prosper. You're ready to chill and prosper with Denise Darfield Thomas.

Speaker 1 (01:52):

Hey, gorgeous, and welcome to another episode of Chill and Prosper. And this one, I was, I don't know, I felt a little bit vulnerable sharing this one because you might be surprised at, um, sometimes, you know, I'm not super confident about stuff and I still have money blocks that I work on all of the time. So, um, recently I shared a little picture of myself dressed as Marie Antoinette for an incredible photo shoot that I did recently. And I was saying how, uh, it brought up a lot for me. So that's what this episode is all about, how I did a very luxe, beautiful photo shoot and it just brought up so many multiple layers of feeling for me. Okay, so let's just take it back a little bit. So I've been following, um, sherbet birdie photography for quite a while. Um, and they're on Instagram, she birdie underscore photography, and it's run by a lovely lady called Sasha.

Speaker 1 (02:49):

And a few of my friends had had, um, photo shoots with her and her team, and they're always like, um, like glamour photography, like pinup photography, just like gorgeous, gorgeous things. And a few of my friends have gone down there for various shoots, and often what they'll do is they'll have a theme. So they might do like goddesses or showgirls or warriors and all of these beautiful things. And I'd always kind of watch that and thought, well, that's a bit too fancy for me, you know, and if we think about it from the lens of like money archetypes, right? Um, you know, it was very, very celebrity energy and that's not necessarily me. So I would kind of look at it and go, oh, that looks so nice, but no, like, you know, how would I use it for my business? Which is a very ruler thing to think about, right?

Speaker 1 (03:34):

Of going, well, there's no need for me to do that, and it would only just be for fun, you know? And if you know anything about the ruler personality, everything has to be related to business, right? We don't always necessarily just do things just for the fun of it. We're like, how can I use this in my business? So anyway, um, I've been watching over the last couple of months that Sasha and her team were starting to build the set for their new theme, which was gonna be a Marie Antoinette theme. And again, I was just watching it going, wow, that's so cool, just from a creativity point of view, watching them put together the set and the costumes and um, and just going, yep, that's great, but that's not me. And then one of my friends, um, Samantha Leaf, who is a celebrity archetype, she booked in for one of the sessions and just watching her do that, and of course she shared some of the behind the scenes with me, you know, where she put on this beautiful wig and like this amazing costume.

Speaker 1 (04:29):

There was just a little spark in my heart that was like, I think I really wanna do this. And it was, I was almost like judging myself for wanting to do it. It felt so strange to judge myself for it. And, um, she was like, Denise, you just have to do it. It's so much fun. So I jumped on their website and there was one spot left for the rest of the year and I went, okay, it's mine. I'm just gonna jump in and do it. And then again, I felt so guilty about it. And there's a couple of reasons why. One is I feel like sometimes we feel bad about, um, having the money to do things, especially when we think, oh my God, there's so much bad stuff going on in the world. And look, I know in myself, I know I'm a very generous person.

Speaker 1 (05:17):

I know I donate a lot to charity, you know, I, and I help people in my business. I know that, and I teach this as well, right? I say it's really normal to feel guilty about spending money, and I recommend the affirmation I serve. I deserve whenever you feel bad about doing something for yourself. So I preach this stuff, right? But I still had that feeling of going, who am I to go and spend money on something just for fun and joy? And that's not cool. That's not like, I'm not allowed to do that. And I think too, there's multiple layers for me that you might resonate with. I'm the oldest child, um, of four. I am, you know, by far the wealthiest person in my family. I feel like I should take care of other people. So again, there's just something that was really guilt inducing for me about going, um, I'm gonna go spend money on this fun photo shoot that I'm not even necessarily gonna use my business.

Speaker 1 (06:16):

But of course I do. I find ways, ruler rulers always find ways to make it a lesson for other people. But I was just feeling so guilty about it. And in, even in the lead up to this photo shoot, I was just feeling like it was a very superficial thing to do. And I know that actually a lot of people in the photography world follow me. So, hi, if you're a photographer, and I never want you to feel like your work is superficial. I know that the work that photographers do is hugely important in documenting people's lives. For one, I don't have, I have very few photos of my grandmother, for example, giving people, and especially women permission to show themselves and feel beautiful and to just document, you know, parts of their lives. Um, and to do things that feel good for themselves and feel good, um, you know, to, to be seen in a beautiful way, I think is just such important work, especially for women.

Speaker 1 (07:14):

You know, so many times women are on the other side of the camera and don't take pictures of themselves. They judge themselves and their bodies. And what I love about this sherbet, um, birdie business is that's, you know, so diverse in body type and really just making people look and feel just incredible. So I understand how important that work is, but I still think sometimes that, um, I have an, like, I'm exempt from that <laugh>. It's like, I know how important that is. I know it's important for other people, but I shouldn't need that in myself. It should only be for business or something like that. So I don't know if that resonates with you. Um, so anyway, I, I booked in and I just was like, oh my God, I'm not gonna tell anyone about this. And, and even feeling guilty about taking time away from my family, which is so stupid because I mean, I do that all the time, but I usually can justify it and go, well, it's for work.

Speaker 1 (08:11):

But to say like, I know we're really busy at the moment, but I'm going down to Sydney, staying overnight to do this shoot. I don't know, it just felt really indulgent and I was surprised that that that came up for me. And I feel like this is such an important distinction, right? To say that you might deal with your money blocks in one area of your life and it will pop up in another area. And this still happens to me, even though I literally teach this full-time and I have for over 10 years, I teach, um, you know, that it's okay to spend money on yourself, all of those things, but it will find another way to pop up if you feel bad about money, if you still feel like you don't deserve to do things for yourself, it will just find another little, you know, know chin in your armor and will find your little resistance.

Speaker 1 (08:59):

So, oh, in a way I wasn't surprised, but it's, it's still one of those things where I go, oh yeah, I still have money blocks about spending money on myself or spending money in particular ways. Um, so then here's what happened. So I had to get there at eight 30 and went straight into like hair and makeup and what it was so much fun. And, and so they're like, you know, we, we won't show you until the end. And you know, so they put makeup on me. And what was coming up for me too was this feeling of like being accommodating and not not wanting to be a diva. And Sasha was telling me something really fascinating. She's like, when people get dressed up and they have the hair and the wig on and you know, the beautiful clothes, they really start to embody that queen archetype, right?

Speaker 1 (09:44):

And I could feel that, like I felt incredibly uncomfortable going into that space because I still think I've got some deep repressed stuff about celebrity and feeling like it's not safe for me to be the center of attention, or I have so much that I shouldn't show off or I shouldn't make other people feel bad. It was so interesting, but I was so uncomfortable in that space and I was like, I'm gonna be accommodating. I'm gonna be a good student. I'm gonna be a grateful client. I'm not gonna be a diva. I'm not gonna ask for anything. And it was just fascinating seeing that. And it was a really beautiful dec decade in experience. It's, um, you know, gorgeous workshop space. They have tea there, they have little macarons and um, you know, like champagne if you want it. And everything is beautiful and lovely.

Speaker 1 (10:37):

And I could feel like a little bit of that unworthiness coming up. Um, the other thing too is that I was actually really cold because, you know, when there's a photo shoot on, um, you know, like there's a lot of lights and things like that. And so I felt like a diva could sort of saying, oh, can I be a little bit warmer? And then it was great because when I was like, oh, I am a bit cold, Sasha's like, great, well we're putting on a heater for you. Here's a heat pack. And it was just amazing to think how like I was resisting even though I was the customer, resisting being the customer and feeling like I had to be accommodating even though that's not what the experience was about. And they wouldn't have thought anything of me if I was like, oh, I'm cold.

Speaker 1 (11:21):

Um, that's just what it was. Yeah, it was really interesting. So I think that's fascinating too. If you're the sort of person who really struggles to receive, you know, you might go to practitioners even and feel like you have to coach them. You might really struggle to receive things in return. So I felt that coming up a lot of going, oh my God, I'm gonna be so accommodating. I'm gonna be the best client ever. Um, yeah, fascinating stuff. Okay, so, um, then we did the big reveal and you know, they had this beautiful pink wig on me, like this big beautiful, like Marie Antoinette style. And, um, we started putting on the stockings and then the corset. And I really struggled to receive compliments in this space, you know, um, you know, there's no secret I have lost weight since having my last baby. And I'm, you know, like again, that's a lot of privilege and money that's being able to go into doing that.

Speaker 1 (12:23):

I don't feel like I've worked really hard for it. But anyway, that aside, even just receiving compliments of going, wow, look how good your legs look. Oh my gosh, look at your tiny little waist, you look so beautiful. And I was just really uncomfortable. I was like, oh, okay, all right. And then she was like, what jewels do you want? Because I could choose. And I was like, I don't care, whatever. And then I was like, oh, I can't wear those big ones I'll wear. And so I ended up wearing like a quite old modest little ribbon with just a little, I was just gonna wear the ribbon. And then she was like, here's a little jewel on it. And there was just something about being like, um, like even still wanting to be modest, even though I was dressing like Maria Antoinette, like it was so weird the stuff that was going on in my mind.

Speaker 1 (13:04):

Oh, I was really overthinking it and I was just, yeah, like uncomfortable receiving. Oh my God. So good. Okay, so I'm gonna take a quick little break and then I wanna, um, share what happened when I was actually in the photo shoot and even afterwards as well. And if, by the way, if you wanna see all the photos and videos for this, um, make sure you come to my, um, podcast page on my website. So it's denise dt.com/podcast and find the Marie Antoinette episode. And, um, you can see all of the pictures and all of the videos from it. And you can see in some bits I probably was a little bit uncomfortable in, you can see in others, I was really trying to embrace it. Um, so yeah, I'll be right back after this quick break.

Speaker 3 (13:51):

Hi, it's the fairy gin mother Robbie Jar here. I'm a wellbeing writer in the south of England and host of the Joy of Gin podcast in Denise's book, chill and Prosper. I especially love doing the exercise, is your business flowing in chapter four? It totally transformed my approach to business when the penny dropped, that I have permission to shift, quit tweak, or pivot every part of my business to suit me. I discovered I wanted to one, post a podcast about joy and gin, and two, offer gin mindfulness retreats and meet the distiller events going into 2023. My business model now feels so much freer, more joyful and chills than ever. I recommend chill and Prosper to anyone who wants to craft a delicious and enriching business that's unique to them, like a signature cocktail. Thank you so much, Denise.

Speaker 1 (14:53):

Okay, welcome back. Um, even just talking about this stuff makes me feel very vulnerable, I suppose. Yeah, it really does. So the other thing that came up for me, as soon as I saw myself in the whole outfit, so like the beautiful decadent stockings, these incredible custom corsets, um, that Sasha and her team have put together, then we moved over to the set and the set was just incredible. You know, like they'd created this beautiful custom set, they'd made things with their hands and it really reminded me of when I worked on my Sacred Money Archetypes launch, how I spent so much time and money and effort doing the details of the shoot. And that's really what attracted me to doing the shoot in the first place, is not necessarily dressing up like Maria Antoinette, which was super fun, but it was more about really respecting the creative process of creative women and creatives in general.

Speaker 1 (15:48):

And seeing that, you know, they were showing me all, all of the little bits and how they just made such a stand for excellence, which is something I appreciate so much, um, especially when other people sort of say, oh no, you're spending too much, or, why would you do that? Or, there's no need to do that. The fact that they went, no, we're investing all of this time and money and energy into making this set absolutely incredible. And researching the different bits and the multiple meanings that were in the set as well. So you might see from the videos, there is, um, cakes and piles of fruit behind me in the set, and they made them like, um, moldy with jewels, so like moldy, um, like sequins and things like that on there. And so we were talking about the multiple layers of that, of like, you know, this decadence and waste almost.

Speaker 1 (16:41):

And Maria Antoinette was a, you know, very fascinating figure in history that has, um, her stories still live on today. You know, calling someone, uh, Maria Antoinette is almost this insult of someone who is very privileged and oblivious of her privilege. And this enduring story of her saying Let them make cake is, is propaganda. She apparently didn't say that and she wasn't dismissive of what was going on in the world. And also she was a very young woman who was blamed for all of this decadence when she really probably didn't have a lot of power at all. And so, you know, you never think of, um, her husband as being, I mean, who was it, king Louie, I can't even remember. But she's just seen as this symbol of decadence and waste and inequality. And so of course me, you know, like being the person who I am, I'm, um, you know, very mindful of that, of income inequality.

Speaker 1 (17:49):

I'm very politically aware of what's happening in the world with um, so many people suffering, especially when we have so much abundance in the world. And I feel that very strongly. And I'm, I, you know, very outspoken about that, especially on Twitter. If you don't follow me on Twitter, that's where I do most of my activism and stand up for things like that cuz it just feels more immediate news wise. And so dressing up like Maria Antoinette in this period of income inequality, I was kind of saying that, I was like, this is a bit on the nose, isn't it? It's a bit on the nose as if even dressing up in a creative way makes me responsible for income inequality in the world. Isn't that funny that we think that, right? We feel guilty. And so I was like getting into it, but also sort of saying like, oh, it's a bit on the nose, isn't it?

Speaker 1 (18:38):

I was like totally overthinking it as a Virgo and just going, Ugh, okay, am I really gonna get into this? Um, and so I was really, yeah, I was really nervous being in front of the camera. But also, you know, I, I do have a dance background, I have a performing background and so I know that I can do it and, you know, pose and pull out all the stops, but I was definitely holding myself back just a little bit. And it was amazing working with Sasha because you can even hear in some of the videos she's going, ah, beautiful, ah, you're amazing. And I, I love the work that photographers like Sasha do in helping people to feel more confident in their bodies, feel confident in every size, feel confident, um, in in just like, it's okay to be the center of attention. It's okay to feel beautiful and it's okay to document your life like that.

Speaker 1 (19:30):

So it's just funny how I was overthinking it, right? Cause I, I, I felt like I looked great, like my body, my legs, everything looked gorgeous. I did absolutely felt gorgeous, but I was holding myself back and I was really in my head around it. Um, which is interesting, but I know I'll, I'll go back and do another shoot with them at some stage. I, after my shoot, I was looking around at all their studio, all of their beautiful props and um, I asked, uh, Sasha if she would do like a, a Goddess Fortuna shoot with all of the beautiful money and stuff. I think that will be super fun to do. And she was like, yeah, of course. And I think, well next time I'm down I'll, I'll absolutely feel more confident. And I'll also, because I didn't expect all of this money mindset stuff to come out of the shoot, I actually didn't prepare myself in any way for it.

Speaker 1 (20:22):

I was just like, oh, this is gonna be fun. Like whatever, it's gonna be fun. And I didn't anticipate it. So it caught me by surprise in the moment. So next time I know I'll have to do some more money mindset work before I go into it. And this is true for anything big. If you are doing a shoot, if you're releasing a book, if you are creating a program, if you're being more visible, it does take money mindset work, right? You have to um, really see what your fears are around it and then the next time you do it, it's much easier. So for me, I know next time it'll be easy. So then once we did the shoot, um, and there was a few different sets and scenes in the shoot, um, then I could just kind of play around in the costume for a little bit and I had my friend Sam Leaf there and she took some B roll and I was kind of, I was kind of, you know, playing around with it but also again feeling like, oh that's okay.

Speaker 1 (21:14):

I've had my time now that's okay. You can take off the outfit. It's okay. I don't need anything. And again, that surprised me that I had that inside me of just feeling like still it's not safe to be the center of attention. It's not safe to show off, it's not safe to be visibly excited or proud of something interesting, right? So I did that for a little bit and then I was like, oh no, that's fine. We can, we can finish now. And then what was really cool is, um, then they sit you down and Sasha's team have already kind of, um, cold some of the photos and then they show them to you on a big screen and then you can choose what photos you want. And they've got a really cool process for it where um, they put three similar photos up on the screen and you choose the best one and they just keep on going through.

Speaker 1 (22:00):

So it's just like a process of elimination. But it was really fun just to see yourself there and just to go, oh wow, that's so cool. But I found myself saying, cuz they're like, oh look how gorgeous you look. And I, oh, I kept on saying, yes, look how beautiful the set and the costumes are. Look how much work that you have put into making this beautiful instead of just accepting and receiving the compliment and going, yeah, I do look hot. Yeah, look great. But I was just like, yeah, look how much work you've put into this. Um, look, look at what you've done with the set. Doesn't the set look great? Look at the beautiful costumes. Like you should be so proud of your whole team. Um, and just not receiving that at all. And so it was really cool to sit and just have that experience where, um, you have to make the decision because I've no noticed in the past where people that I've had photo shoots with, they'll send me all of the photos and I procrastinate looking at them, I procrastinate choosing it stresses me out to even look at them sometimes.

Speaker 1 (22:57):

And so it was great having, having to do that in the moment and to go, oh, okay, yeah, that one looks good, that one looks good, that one looks good. But, and it was really helpful for me with ADHD too because it made the decision much, much easier to be sat there, um, and, and have to do it. And so yeah, we sat, we had our tea, we drank and it just felt like this beautiful, spacious experience to be able to choose. And then I could just, you know, pay for the extra, um, photos right there. And then they sent the invoice. It was just so easy. And then they were like, great, we're gonna go and, you know, do a few more little edits. But even they showed me, they said, look, this is the, the level of editing we do. Here's the previous photo shoot we had.

Speaker 1 (23:37):

This is a before and after. And see they say, see, we just make it a little bit, you know, we just, even things out. We're not changing you. We just, and it was, it was actually really beautiful to see that process and just to say, this is what we do. So, you know, no one gets freaked out by Photoshopping or anything like that. So that was, um, yeah, that was my experience. As I said, if you wanna see the videos and the photos and the behind the scenes, go to denise dt.com/podcast search for the Marie Antoinette episode. Um, and I'll put them all there for you to have a look at. Um, yeah, cause I don't know how much I'll put on social media around that again cuz I just feel, I dunno, feel very vulnerable about it. But I also want to hear what has come up for you around this episode because, um, yeah, I felt like I've been very vulnerable about what it showed up for me.

Speaker 1 (24:32):

And you might be surprised, you might think, oh, but Denise, you're so confident all the time and I, I really wasn't. And also when you do new experiences, don't be surprised when money blocks that you thought you'd dealt with come up again in a different way. Cause I really do. So I would love to hear from you. You know, you can always, um, send me a DM or you can always, um, you know, post about it or you can find where I posted about this on social media and, and posting the comments because I'd love to hear what has come up for you around this. Um, the other thing that was really fun that I was talking to Sasha about was the different money personalities and who her target clients are. Because say for example, if you have a nurturer come and do something like this, shoot, this would be something that, you know, you'd probably have to coax people into spending the money on to do it.

Speaker 1 (25:26):

And then you would have to do a lot of work on the confidence factor of, you know, posing and things like that. And then I was like, for rulers, you know, if you can tie this to rulers business, then that's great, you know, so for me being able to do a goddess for tuna shoot, which is about money, it's a no brainer for me to do for business. But I was saying about how this is such a luxe experience that it's perfect for celebrities and romantics. Absolutely. And so when I was looking at, um, Sasha's, uh, tagline for her business, Sheba Birdie, it's most luxe photography studio in the cosmos, making all humans feel indestructible. And I was like, that really hits like celebrities, mavericks, even Romantics who just believe that they're deserving of it. And you know, maybe even alchemists who get excited about the creativity of that.

Speaker 1 (26:23):

So if you're a photographer, um, you know, really look at the money archetypes and who you are attracting into your business because, um, you know, like especially if you're a high touch, high value v i p experience, you know, you have a price tag to match that and you want to market to clients that it's, you know, it's like you don't have to coax them into doing it. They believe they deserve it. And so for me, it wasn't so much about the money, you know, I didn't feel bad about spending the money, but it was really surprising how it came up for me about the time and also feeling like people wouldn't like me if I was showing a different side of my personality, if I was being too fabulous and being too celebrity. And what was actually even interesting about that is thinking about some of the photo shoots I've done over the last couple of years where I'm like on the beach or with my surfboard or you know, like wearing my blue kind of casual stuff.

Speaker 1 (27:25):

They are just as curated really as like Maria Antoinette shoot, it took, it takes the same amount of hair and makeup for me to have this beachy natural look. You know, the set is often, you know, rearrange to show the best light. You know, I bring in my props from my house, I make sure there's pops of blue and things like that. Like, so, you know, I always bring in my set designer Naomi Finlay to help me with that. You know, there's a professional photographer, they do edits and things like that, but it was just fascinating to me to go, oh, it's okay for me to do this curated shoot with a combi van and surfboards and you know, barefoot and with my bike and all that kinda stuff, but it's not okay for me to do something that is celebrity and a bit show offy and a bit fabulous and a bit more glam than normal.

Speaker 1 (28:18):

And I actually did have one person, um, when I did the little sneaky peek of it going, how ridiculous. It's so ostentatious. And she put a vomit emoji on there and she was like, it looks ridiculous. You look like you're in a peep show. And I was like, oh fuck. Like that's kind of what I was scared about to sh to show it, but also just to laugh and to say it is literally as curated and it's okay to want what you want, it's okay to, to do a particular style and it's okay to show a different side of your personality. So hopefully you en enjoyed, you know, looking at at that. Hopefully it's inspired you to try and play and, um, to do something that's a little bit more creative and a little bit more different. And I hope you also got stuff out of me sharing, um, some of my discomfort, some of my blocks that came up around it. So yeah. Ah, okay. Cool. Well I have got, um, one more final thought for you after this last break, so I will see you in just one second.

Speaker 4 (29:20):

Hey, lucky B, this is Nicole Tobe PIOs. I'm the founder of Softball Students, a business where I help high school girls get recruited to play college softball from Minneapolis, Minnesota. I found out about Chill and Entrepreneur last year and I had a huge breakthrough about not killing the Golden Go. As a new entrepreneur, it can be so easy to overdo it. So the Chill Entrepreneur philosophy is something that has been so helpful to adapt over the last year I even upgraded to Money Bootcamp and I highly recommend doing so doing that since the beginning of 2022 has transformed not only my personal finances, but also my business finances and being able to actually have conversations with important people in my life, whether it's my bookkeeper, accountant, my husband, those are things that to me are very valuable and I know will be something that will help so many people if you take action. Thank you so much, Jan, Denise, for all that you do and continue to chill and for everyone.

Speaker 1 (30:38):

Okay, welcome back. And my final thought for you is really just an affirmation. If this has brought up anything for you around being visible online or being worried about criticism or worried, worried about showing off, then I just want you to share this affirmation with you. Uh, with me. It's safe for me to shine, it's safe for me to shine because sometimes we feel like if we do so it's gonna make other people feel bad about themselves or other people will judge us. And I hope that this has inspired others. Um, but also it gives me pleasure to watch people shine. It gives me pleasure to watch people play and have creativity. And so if people don't like it, well, I don't know, they're not being very nice, are they <laugh>? So just keep that in mind. It's safe for me to shine and I hope I've inspired some people listening to go and book a photo shoot or to book something that's just for yourself. That's just to help you feel fabulous and to have fun. All right, lovely. And remember, you can go look at those photos and videos if you want. Don't be weird about it. I don't want anyone sending me weird messages. If you don't like it, keep it to yourself. Um, and remember, that's at denise dt.com/podcast and search for the Marie Antoinette episode. All right, my lovely.

Speaker 1 (31:54):

I wish you all the best and I'll see you next week on another episode of Chill and Prosper. Bye.

Speaker 2 (32:00):

Thanks for listening to Chill and Prosper. Tell your friends to chill and prosper. Review and subscribe. We hope you had a very good time.